Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Journey to Self Re-Discovery
Hey there! It's been a while (I keep saying this because it has in fact been a while. I don't blog much anymore huhu)
So I decided to blog again, woop. I just thought about it recently since I'm starting to keep a journal again, I'm trying to bring back my writing mojo. I lost it somewhere along the way so I'm looking for it again.
Anyway, this post is about how I found myself again (duh, it says so on the title). Some of you may ask, "Why? Did you lose yourself?" well, in fact, I have. I was deep into my previous relationship that I started changing into a different person.
I don't know how I should start this, I had it all planned earlier before I slept. It got lost while I was dreaming. So lemme try my best and start this the way I wanted to.
This journey to self re-discovery is basically my journey to moving on. As you all know, I went through a very painful breakup 6 months ago. It was the most painful one because it was technically the first relationship I had that actually felt like a relationship. Where I was physically with my partner and we spent almost everyday together so I had to adjust because I had to get used to her absence. My first relationship was a long distance one and we only saw each other 3 times in the whole relationship so the whole thing just occurred through texts, chats, voice calls and video calls. Plus I got cheated on, so there's that.
So this recent break up was so hard to move on from since it happened so suddenly, I never expected it to happen. You know when break ups happen, you could actually feel that it would happen sooner or later, but this one caught me off guard. I remembered how I was then: I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I was just staring at the ceiling, at the walls. There was a point where I just sat still in one corner for 6 hours doing absolutely nothing, until my brother told me that we should eat. Whenever I ate, I could only get two bites of what ever I was eating then I would feel like vomiting already. It got to the point where my tears dried out. I feel like crying but nothing was coming out of my eyes. I felt so empty, so lost. My friends were chatting with me,they were calling me up, checking up on me, finding out if I was still alive (fun fact tho: I never cut myself because of the break up. I usually just cut myself whenever I'm too stressed bc of other things, but I don't cut myself because of love and stuff like that).
I was a mess for a month or two. I cried at random moments, I told my story to a lot of people because I needed to talk to someone about it, I let all my emotions out in this app where you can rant anonymously, I tried dating other people, I drowned myself in alcohol, I partied hard, I flirted a lot, I kissed a lot of girls, I had a one night (or afternoon) stand, I became friends with benefits with someone, and I did a lot of shitty things just to move on.
I did all these things just to move on, just so I could forget, but they only gave me temporary relief. They helped a bit, but I still felt empty and lost. I couldn't get it, what was I doing wrong?
I changed things up a bit, I used to think that in order for me to move on, I should find someone else. As mentioned above, I flirted as much as possible, but then I realized that there are still other aspects in life that I didn't try to fix.
I thought about it, I reflected on my life, I made a list of the things that I loved doing, I looked at all the aspects of my life and checked what was wrong with them.
Until I realized that I did lose myself. I tried building myself up again. I spent time with friends, I caught up with friends I haven't seen in a while, I made new friends, I spent time with my family again (I was so distant from my family when I was in the relationship) it was nice because we got to be close again, in fact, we became closer. I did better at work, I tried working out, I even went boxing with my friends, I tried a lot of new things, I discovered new hobbies and new things to do.
I was re-discovering myself again, I slowly went back to how I was before the relationship started. I indulged myself in books again, I went back to my old hobbies, I practiced photography again (this one is a very big deal), I went to museums and art galleries, I went on walks with myself, I went out with my friends, I watched gigs and concerts, I still drank alcohol (because come on, alcohol is life. I can drink to celebrate and just chill), I tried painting, drawing and other artsy stuff, I tried finding my own style in art, both digital and traditional, I went back to writing (I suck at it now, I'm trying to bring back my old writing style), I went back to my old style, I bought things for myself and I did a lot of other things just to make myself feel better again.
After doing all these things, I began to love myself again, I appreciated myself, I accepted the things I could and couldn't do, I embraced my flaws, I recognized my skills and I believe I matured (a bit. I still consider myself immature lmao). I grew up and left that shell I once had. I breathed a sigh of relief because it felt good to be happy again.
It was a long journey for me, and I'm still in it. I'll always discover new things about myself, I won't stop since it's a continuous process, but I'm proud of myself for the progress I've made.
So here I am now, I'm at my happiest this year, thanks to my family, friends, office mates, and myself.
Although I am struggling with something right now, it's all part of life. I learned not to dwell on sadness that much anymore (that's a big deal for me since I always dwell in my sadness)
That's pretty much it for my on going journey.
I apologize for any errors in this post since I haven't written anything in a long time and I got a bit rusty. Sorry for the inconsistency and the redundancy as well, that had been my problem since day one and I am still trying to fix it lmao.
That is all and I will write more blogs again. Thank you for taking your time reading this, it means a lot to me.
love you all
-N
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
I never wrote about us
I've never written about our relationship, which is really weird for me because I always write about all the major things that happen in my life so I could reread them and reminisce. I wrote about my first ever relationship, I wrote about how great my year was every year, I wrote about a play I became a part of, I wrote about my silliest achievement, but I never wrote about us.
I had a reason for this, I always told myself that I never wrote about us because I used to spend so much time with you, that I could simply reminisce with you whenever I want to remember a certain event. I thought that we would last long enough for us to reminisce about the things that happened to us when we were just starting or when we had this weird fight, then we'd laugh at how silly we were, fighting over a small thing. I thought I never had to write anything because we already had photos that told our stories. I thought I never had to write because I could just look at the photos we took when we were together. I thought I never had to write anything because I knew I wouldn't forget about everything that happened between us. I thought I never had to write because I thought we would last a lifetime.
I was wrong.
I always thought we'd go through everything together. I always thought we'll make it. I always thought you were the one I'll spend my whole life with. I always thought you won't get tired.
Again, I was wrong.
Now that we're over, most of the photos we took that were supposed to remind us of how we were before are gone. Nothing left to remind us of how we were. I still had the letters you wrote to me, and I would assume you still have the letters I wrote to you, but they don't mean a thing anymore. I wrote you letters but I never wrote about our relationship.
I have a few memories left from you, I have the things you gave me: the printed photographs, the letters, the traces of you. I want to get rid of them. Every single thing.
I want to forget about you, I want to forget about everything. I want to forget that we were even together. I want to forget. It's the one thing I badly need right now. I just want to forget about you.
I want to forget how it felt like falling asleep beside you. I want to forget how it felt like being myself with you. I want to forget how safe and comfortable I felt whenever I'm with you. I want to forget how it felt having our bodies next to each other without anything in between. I want to forget how you used to look at me like I was your everything. I want to forget how your lips felt. I want to forget how your hands fit in mine. I want to forget how you used to play with my hair. I want to forget your silly laugh. I want to forget how you always wanted the best for me. I want to forget how you really wanted to be interested in the things I'm interested in. I want to forget the time when we sang our favorite song from our favorite band and how we caught ourselves dancing in sync without realizing it. I want to forget how I got mad at you for the stupidest things, how I told you hurtful words that would make you look down on yourself. I want to forget how selfless you were. I want to forget how happy we were. I want to forget looking into your eyes. I want to forget how much you loved me.
I want to forget you.
Maybe the reason I never wrote about our relationship was because I didn't want to remember.
I just want to forget.
-N
I had a reason for this, I always told myself that I never wrote about us because I used to spend so much time with you, that I could simply reminisce with you whenever I want to remember a certain event. I thought that we would last long enough for us to reminisce about the things that happened to us when we were just starting or when we had this weird fight, then we'd laugh at how silly we were, fighting over a small thing. I thought I never had to write anything because we already had photos that told our stories. I thought I never had to write because I could just look at the photos we took when we were together. I thought I never had to write anything because I knew I wouldn't forget about everything that happened between us. I thought I never had to write because I thought we would last a lifetime.
I was wrong.
I always thought we'd go through everything together. I always thought we'll make it. I always thought you were the one I'll spend my whole life with. I always thought you won't get tired.
Again, I was wrong.
Now that we're over, most of the photos we took that were supposed to remind us of how we were before are gone. Nothing left to remind us of how we were. I still had the letters you wrote to me, and I would assume you still have the letters I wrote to you, but they don't mean a thing anymore. I wrote you letters but I never wrote about our relationship.
I have a few memories left from you, I have the things you gave me: the printed photographs, the letters, the traces of you. I want to get rid of them. Every single thing.
I want to forget about you, I want to forget about everything. I want to forget that we were even together. I want to forget. It's the one thing I badly need right now. I just want to forget about you.
I want to forget how it felt like falling asleep beside you. I want to forget how it felt like being myself with you. I want to forget how safe and comfortable I felt whenever I'm with you. I want to forget how it felt having our bodies next to each other without anything in between. I want to forget how you used to look at me like I was your everything. I want to forget how your lips felt. I want to forget how your hands fit in mine. I want to forget how you used to play with my hair. I want to forget your silly laugh. I want to forget how you always wanted the best for me. I want to forget how you really wanted to be interested in the things I'm interested in. I want to forget the time when we sang our favorite song from our favorite band and how we caught ourselves dancing in sync without realizing it. I want to forget how I got mad at you for the stupidest things, how I told you hurtful words that would make you look down on yourself. I want to forget how selfless you were. I want to forget how happy we were. I want to forget looking into your eyes. I want to forget how much you loved me.
I want to forget you.
Maybe the reason I never wrote about our relationship was because I didn't want to remember.
I just want to forget.
-N
Sunday, July 31, 2016
There is no point
Hey there! Wow, it's been a while since I last posted a blog and I missed it. Apparently, whenever I get in a relationship, I lose a part of me; like in my first relationship, I lost my best friend and this time I lost my interest in literature. Since we broke up, it seems as though my interest in literature is coming back again (Thank God)
So right now I'm in front of my laptop, my bed still unmade, I'm blasting some fallout boy on my phone, my hair's still not the color blue and I'm alive.
(Sugar we're going down swinging) I'm just writing whatever enters my mind right now, I'm letting my fingers do the talking (wow that sounds so lesbian). Right now my office mates are planning to drink later, of course I'm coming.
Wait, I had to stop writing for around 15 minutes because this laptop hanged for 15 full minutes. So during that period, I was able to fix my unmade bed, check timehop, took a selfie comparing my photo from three years ago and now.
And now I have to run some errands, so catch you later. (As if you'll notice me doing the errand since you're continually reading this whole post lol)
I'm back! So I went to my grandmother's shop and gave her the rent money from our neighbors and she gave me money to buy shawarma as well as new pants. So that's that.
Anyway, what's the whole point of this post? Honestly, there's none. There was supposed to be a point when I was planning on writing this post, but now that I started writing it, I just went with the flow.
This blog post was supposed to be about how I am after our break up, but diving into that topic makes me depressed and I have been happy since yesterday, so I don't want to break the mood.
I have been trying to keep my mind off that thing by doing random and unproductive stuff like playing battle cats, surfing the net, looking at tattoo ideas, editing photos, checking out photo inspirations, and writing stuff.
It feels good to write again; I couldn't really write blogs on my phone since I get distracted easily and typing on the phone's keypad isn't as satisfying as typing on the laptop's keyboard. It makes me feel so ecstatic just typing right now. Like I'm not even looking at the screen, I'm just letting my fingers type and type and omg they look so cool moving so fast, like they have a mind of their own. Seriously, I am still not stopping.
The sound of the keyboard makes me so relaxed, and the feeling of pressing these buttons is oddly satisfying.
I am now looking up into the screen and wow, that was a lot. Haha. I'm sorry for making you read this blogpost of mine but it makes me feel nice knowing that there are people who actually read what I write. It gives me a sense of importance, you know?
Right now I'm looking for music to play, let's see... Ahh, here, arctic monkeys.
Woah, I never noticed the lyrics of this song. I'm listening to "Do I Wanna Know?"
"Sad to see you go. I was sorta hoping that you'd stay"
"Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new"
I got distracted for 30 minutes and did something else lol.
I guess I should wrap this up, my mind's all crazy now.
Sorry for this very pointless blogpost, I just wanted to know what it feels like to write again. I missed it so much.
I'll be posting more blog posts soon, blog posts that actually make sense.
But for now, bye.
-N
So right now I'm in front of my laptop, my bed still unmade, I'm blasting some fallout boy on my phone, my hair's still not the color blue and I'm alive.
(Sugar we're going down swinging) I'm just writing whatever enters my mind right now, I'm letting my fingers do the talking (wow that sounds so lesbian). Right now my office mates are planning to drink later, of course I'm coming.
Wait, I had to stop writing for around 15 minutes because this laptop hanged for 15 full minutes. So during that period, I was able to fix my unmade bed, check timehop, took a selfie comparing my photo from three years ago and now.
And now I have to run some errands, so catch you later. (As if you'll notice me doing the errand since you're continually reading this whole post lol)
I'm back! So I went to my grandmother's shop and gave her the rent money from our neighbors and she gave me money to buy shawarma as well as new pants. So that's that.
Anyway, what's the whole point of this post? Honestly, there's none. There was supposed to be a point when I was planning on writing this post, but now that I started writing it, I just went with the flow.
This blog post was supposed to be about how I am after our break up, but diving into that topic makes me depressed and I have been happy since yesterday, so I don't want to break the mood.
I have been trying to keep my mind off that thing by doing random and unproductive stuff like playing battle cats, surfing the net, looking at tattoo ideas, editing photos, checking out photo inspirations, and writing stuff.
It feels good to write again; I couldn't really write blogs on my phone since I get distracted easily and typing on the phone's keypad isn't as satisfying as typing on the laptop's keyboard. It makes me feel so ecstatic just typing right now. Like I'm not even looking at the screen, I'm just letting my fingers type and type and omg they look so cool moving so fast, like they have a mind of their own. Seriously, I am still not stopping.
The sound of the keyboard makes me so relaxed, and the feeling of pressing these buttons is oddly satisfying.
I am now looking up into the screen and wow, that was a lot. Haha. I'm sorry for making you read this blogpost of mine but it makes me feel nice knowing that there are people who actually read what I write. It gives me a sense of importance, you know?
Right now I'm looking for music to play, let's see... Ahh, here, arctic monkeys.
Woah, I never noticed the lyrics of this song. I'm listening to "Do I Wanna Know?"
"Sad to see you go. I was sorta hoping that you'd stay"
"Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new"
I got distracted for 30 minutes and did something else lol.
I guess I should wrap this up, my mind's all crazy now.
Sorry for this very pointless blogpost, I just wanted to know what it feels like to write again. I missed it so much.
I'll be posting more blog posts soon, blog posts that actually make sense.
But for now, bye.
-N
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
What's wrong with me?
What the fuck am I doing with my life?
I honestly feel I'm so stupid now. I felt this before but this time the impact is tremendous. I'm not as smart as I was before, not as witty, not as critical, not as quick. I hate this so much and it feels so wrong. I used to be a critical thinker. I used to love intelligent debates and arguments. I used to love proving my point.
I'm also not good in english anymore. I'm not as good in communicating as I was before. I'm having difficulties when I try to construct a sentence, I'm not so confident about my grammar, spelling and choice of words.
I don't think before I speak anymore, I don't know current events anymore, I'm starting to forget the important things, my skills aren't developing, but instead it's doing the opposite.
I'm not getting better. I'm getting worse.
I feel so miserable, I feel like I should be doing something else, something more, but I'm too afraid of leaving my comfort zone. I guess that's why I'm not growing.
I thought I'd be better, but I guess I already reached my peak in 2014. I was the best I could be in 2014 and after that, I started falling down.
I'm trying to find what the problem is, and I realized, it's me. I'm the problem.
I need to do something, but I don't know what. I feel so lost, I don't know what to do to make myself a better person, or at least be the person I was in 2014.
I don't know myself anymore. I'm lost. I need to find myself.
I honestly feel I'm so stupid now. I felt this before but this time the impact is tremendous. I'm not as smart as I was before, not as witty, not as critical, not as quick. I hate this so much and it feels so wrong. I used to be a critical thinker. I used to love intelligent debates and arguments. I used to love proving my point.
I'm also not good in english anymore. I'm not as good in communicating as I was before. I'm having difficulties when I try to construct a sentence, I'm not so confident about my grammar, spelling and choice of words.
I don't think before I speak anymore, I don't know current events anymore, I'm starting to forget the important things, my skills aren't developing, but instead it's doing the opposite.
I'm not getting better. I'm getting worse.
I feel so miserable, I feel like I should be doing something else, something more, but I'm too afraid of leaving my comfort zone. I guess that's why I'm not growing.
I thought I'd be better, but I guess I already reached my peak in 2014. I was the best I could be in 2014 and after that, I started falling down.
I'm trying to find what the problem is, and I realized, it's me. I'm the problem.
I need to do something, but I don't know what. I feel so lost, I don't know what to do to make myself a better person, or at least be the person I was in 2014.
I don't know myself anymore. I'm lost. I need to find myself.
Monday, November 16, 2015
Part of me on vacation
What do I write about?
I'm lost.
I'm not down or anything.
My mind is just so lost right now.
It's like I lost a part of myself.
I don't write that much anymore and I miss it.
I have to admit, my grammar and vocabulary's all messed up.
I'm not as literate as I was before, and it sucks.
I need to get my old self back.
I used to write because I didn't usually have anyone I can pour my emotions to.
Now I do. I don't write that much because I can directly talk to a person.
That was the reason I loved to write before.
But now, despite having a person to talk to, I want to go back to writing.
It's like a part of me that was on vacation
I want that part back.
I'll try my best to get that part of me back.
I want to write again.
I want to feel the pen alive in my hand.
The keyboard or keypad alive on my fingertips.
I'll keep on writing.
I'll keep on reading.
I don't want to lose this part of me again.
It's going to be alive again.
-N
I'm lost.
I'm not down or anything.
My mind is just so lost right now.
It's like I lost a part of myself.
I don't write that much anymore and I miss it.
I have to admit, my grammar and vocabulary's all messed up.
I'm not as literate as I was before, and it sucks.
I need to get my old self back.
I used to write because I didn't usually have anyone I can pour my emotions to.
Now I do. I don't write that much because I can directly talk to a person.
That was the reason I loved to write before.
But now, despite having a person to talk to, I want to go back to writing.
It's like a part of me that was on vacation
I want that part back.
I'll try my best to get that part of me back.
I want to write again.
I want to feel the pen alive in my hand.
The keyboard or keypad alive on my fingertips.
I'll keep on writing.
I'll keep on reading.
I don't want to lose this part of me again.
It's going to be alive again.
-N
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Longing
I never thought missing someone would hurt this much.
I've never missed someone this much before.
I don't know what to feel. What to do. I want to see her. I want to be with her.
I'm talking about my love. My life. My girlfriend. My future wife.
It's been weeks since we actually spent a whole day together. We saw each other last week, but only in secret. Our situation right now is so hard. She doesn't have her phone because her aunt took it. And she's grounded so she can't leave the house no matter what. We haven't been talking for a while now and I really miss talking to her. I miss our conversations. I miss everything.
Ever since we stopped talking, I can't get her off my mind. I cry everyday thinking about how much I miss her and if her aunt was serious about sending her to their province for one whole year.
I got so used to seeing her everyday. I loved seeing her everyday. It makes me feel so happy. She makes me feel so happy.
Everyday since we stopped seeing each other and communicating with each other, everything just reminded me of her and I really can't stop my tears from falling whenever I remember her. Because I'm really longing for her. I miss her touch, her presence. I miss being with her, holding her hand, hugging her, kissing her, being weird and silly with her, judging other people with her, planning for our future together, talking about anything under the sun with her, and just simply enjoying each other's company.
I really miss staring at her and just admiring her. I miss how she'd be so cute when she's just being herself. I miss how responsible she looks when she cooks, cleans the house and asks me to help her. It honestly makes me think we're already married.
She's so amazing in every single way. She can go from a cute and playful 7 year old to a responsible and strong 25 year old in a single second. She can make anyone love her by just being herself. She can amaze anyone just by dancing to a song. She can make your heart melt by being so kind and helpful to everyone. She's amazing, she really is. I admire her so much.
She's the perfect girlfriend for me. The perfect one I'd love to spend the rest of my life with. Honestly, she's the only who made me feel loved. I never felt loved like this before. She makes me feel so special and it's overwhelming most of the time. Her efforts, everything she does for me, the way she expresses her love, she really knows how to make me feel her love. She really makes me feel that she never wants to lose me. Even though we're so comfortable with each other, and even though we know for a fact that we won't leave each other, she still does efforts to make me stay even more. You don't know how lucky I am to have her. A girl like her is impossible to find, yet, I found her. She's one in 7 billion and I know there will never be another one like her. So I'd like to treasure her. To keep her. To let her know that she is the one. I know she already knows that she's the one I see my future with, a clear vision of it. We made plans. We already planned for everything. Our work, the business we'll work hard for. he workshops we'll attend. We very much enjoy talking about our lives together. Honestly, whenever I think about life, it's not my life anymore. It's our life. I want to share it with her. I want her to be in every part of it. We're so attached to each other that our bond is too strong to break.
I've been typing straight into my blog that my thoughts flew all over the place again. All I know is, the reason I'm blogging right now is because I really miss her so much.
All throughout the blogpost, I have been crying. I miss my baby girl so much.
I've been constantly praying that her aunt won't send her to the province anymore. Also that we'd talk to each other soon. Because I miss talking to the only person who knows everything about me. I miss knowing what's going on with her life. I miss talking about what she's cooking, what she's watching, what's she's doing and just knowing if she's safe or happy or okay at the moment.
I'm just holding on to my instinct that's telling me that her aunt won't send her to the province anymore.
I just really miss her.
I hope we'd talk to each other soon.
I hope we'd see each other again.
I miss you, my love.
I love you, Julie Ann.
-N
*sorry for the inconsistency of this post. I just wanted to vent out my emotions right now so I just let my mind go ahead and let my hands type everything that's going on in my head*
I've never missed someone this much before.
I don't know what to feel. What to do. I want to see her. I want to be with her.
I'm talking about my love. My life. My girlfriend. My future wife.
It's been weeks since we actually spent a whole day together. We saw each other last week, but only in secret. Our situation right now is so hard. She doesn't have her phone because her aunt took it. And she's grounded so she can't leave the house no matter what. We haven't been talking for a while now and I really miss talking to her. I miss our conversations. I miss everything.
Ever since we stopped talking, I can't get her off my mind. I cry everyday thinking about how much I miss her and if her aunt was serious about sending her to their province for one whole year.
I got so used to seeing her everyday. I loved seeing her everyday. It makes me feel so happy. She makes me feel so happy.
Everyday since we stopped seeing each other and communicating with each other, everything just reminded me of her and I really can't stop my tears from falling whenever I remember her. Because I'm really longing for her. I miss her touch, her presence. I miss being with her, holding her hand, hugging her, kissing her, being weird and silly with her, judging other people with her, planning for our future together, talking about anything under the sun with her, and just simply enjoying each other's company.
I really miss staring at her and just admiring her. I miss how she'd be so cute when she's just being herself. I miss how responsible she looks when she cooks, cleans the house and asks me to help her. It honestly makes me think we're already married.
She's so amazing in every single way. She can go from a cute and playful 7 year old to a responsible and strong 25 year old in a single second. She can make anyone love her by just being herself. She can amaze anyone just by dancing to a song. She can make your heart melt by being so kind and helpful to everyone. She's amazing, she really is. I admire her so much.
She's the perfect girlfriend for me. The perfect one I'd love to spend the rest of my life with. Honestly, she's the only who made me feel loved. I never felt loved like this before. She makes me feel so special and it's overwhelming most of the time. Her efforts, everything she does for me, the way she expresses her love, she really knows how to make me feel her love. She really makes me feel that she never wants to lose me. Even though we're so comfortable with each other, and even though we know for a fact that we won't leave each other, she still does efforts to make me stay even more. You don't know how lucky I am to have her. A girl like her is impossible to find, yet, I found her. She's one in 7 billion and I know there will never be another one like her. So I'd like to treasure her. To keep her. To let her know that she is the one. I know she already knows that she's the one I see my future with, a clear vision of it. We made plans. We already planned for everything. Our work, the business we'll work hard for. he workshops we'll attend. We very much enjoy talking about our lives together. Honestly, whenever I think about life, it's not my life anymore. It's our life. I want to share it with her. I want her to be in every part of it. We're so attached to each other that our bond is too strong to break.
I've been typing straight into my blog that my thoughts flew all over the place again. All I know is, the reason I'm blogging right now is because I really miss her so much.
All throughout the blogpost, I have been crying. I miss my baby girl so much.
I've been constantly praying that her aunt won't send her to the province anymore. Also that we'd talk to each other soon. Because I miss talking to the only person who knows everything about me. I miss knowing what's going on with her life. I miss talking about what she's cooking, what she's watching, what's she's doing and just knowing if she's safe or happy or okay at the moment.
I'm just holding on to my instinct that's telling me that her aunt won't send her to the province anymore.
I just really miss her.
I hope we'd talk to each other soon.
I hope we'd see each other again.
I miss you, my love.
I love you, Julie Ann.
-N
*sorry for the inconsistency of this post. I just wanted to vent out my emotions right now so I just let my mind go ahead and let my hands type everything that's going on in my head*
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
2014: The end of a chapter and the start of a new one
HOLA!
I didn't give much justice to last year's year ender, and I promised myself that I'd give this one justice since 2014 has been a big year for me.
So, based on the title, this year, I closed a chapter of my life and opened a new one. Because my student life has finally come to an end and I finally entered the real world. That is one of the highlights of my 2014.
But that's just the tip of the iceberg, let's dive deep and look at the rest of this iceberg (I am so figurative, that never changed)
JANUARY
January 2- Went to Ateneo to suprise a certain someone who I thought was there
January 6- Traveled to school while wearing my Harry Potter robe
January 13- Graduation pictorial
January 17- Birthday
January 19- Lamon Day. Got invited to review a resto
January 21 to 26- University Week
January 22- Date with Diandra
FEBRUARY
February 3 to 9- Tigdas days
February 13- visited my alma mater
February 15- MYX VJ Search 2014 Auditions
February 18- Got a call from MYX
February 20- Callbacks for MYX
February 22- Final defense
MARCH
March 1- Announcement of the MYX VJ Search Finalists
March 7- Louren's birthday celebration
March 11- I got hit by a car
March 16- Book binding of thesis
March 18- Graduation.
This day marked the end of a chapter in my life and the opening of a new one.
March 20- ASE College night
March 26- MYX Music Awards. First ever red carpet experience
APRIL
April 6- Outbreak Missions at Intramuros
April 8- MYX VJ Search Finals Night
April 11- Agel's birthday celebration
April 13- Treat from Gia's father in buffet 101 and redbox
April 19- Swimming with family
April 26 to 27- Traveled to Bicol
MAY
May 4- HS friends bonding
May 19- Chee's debut photoshoot
May 27- Star City with 5/9 of TLCENFAIM
May 31- Food Hero auditions
JUNE
June 1- Benjamin's baptism and me being the photographer of the event
June 2- Troyka's birthday celebration
June 10- First day of school for SPUM
June 20 to 21- Second (illegal) trip to Bicol.
June 25- Night out with Mnq, Jem and Manel.
JULY
July 8- Night out with Jem, Jerome and Troyka
July 19- Camille's birthday celebration
July 20- MTV VJ Hunt auditions
AUGUST
August 8- Lunch out with the family
August 9- MYX Forum guesting at SPUM
August 14- one year friendship anniversary with Nana^
August 16- Ina's birthday celebration
August 25- Official start of my first job
SEPTEMBER
September 2- Night out with Louren, Troyka, Dawn, Gen, Grace
September 6- Tagaytay trip with the family
September 10- First sweldo
September 11- Night out with Chee, Mart, Jimpy, Ina, Ate Cherry
September 18- The day I wore a dress
September 26- Walang Sugat
OCTOBER
October 3 to 4- Final failed trip to Bicol. And the day we finally broke up.
October 24- Date with Jandel
October 25- Became a guest for BPO Radio
October 29- Met Julie on tinder
October 31- Dressed up as a wizard
NOVEMBER
November 7- Met Julie in person for the first time
November 7- Got invited to review food trucks
November 12- MYX mo!
November 20- Night out with Julie and Jem
November 22- Watched Mockingjay
November 23- Grandpa's birthday celebration
November 24 to 28- First week together everyday with Julie
DECEMBER
December 3- The day she finally said yes.
December 7- Partner and Tita's birthday celebration
December 10- Night out with Camille, Louren, Troyka, Flery
December 11- Night out with her and Jem.
December 12- She visited home
December 23- Ayala Triangle with her
December 25- Christmas with the family
December 27- YOLO day with her and TSP Christmas party
December 30- Our New Year's kiss.
Basically, these were the highlights of my year. I didn't go much into detail because I plan to put the details once I have the photos posted.
But I would love to thank everyone who made my 2014 a wonderful year.
For those who were with me from the start to the end of the year.
I'll do what I did in my year ender last year, mention names and groups that made my year an amazing one.
Cornerstone Family Thank you for the opportunity to experience how it is to be in the media world and for letting me meet a lot of celebrities during my on the job training.
TSP Family though my last year in TSP was not really the best, I still feel grateful for being part of the best organization ever. Hopefully you'd decide on making a play for the alumni. I really missed acting.
People from my first job thank you for helping me adapt into the real world. It was difficult at first since I never really wanted to work in an office but rather in the world of media, but you helped me learn to like what I'm doing. Thank you for the first, real bitch-slap from the real world.
MYX Family thank you for the whole VJ experience. It really was the biggest highlight of my year. It was amazing working with you guys, I had the best experience ever, being in front of the camera and feeling nervous all the time but the rush of talking about music and all random stuff made it so exciting. Also meeting a lot of celebrities and talking to them made the fangirl inside me scream like it never did.
Cool People (Chos)/MYX VJ Search Finalists In the window!!!!! You guys are amazing, thank you for all the bonding times and the insights that you shared with me. It really is amazing being friends with you guys. Thank you for still keeping in touch and for all the innuendos, the puns, the corniest of the corny jokes, the whole VJ Search experience with you guys was the best.
ABMC2014 You guys were the best classmates ever! We did it! After four years of being together within the four walls and corners of school, we finally graduated. It was an epic journey with you guys. And this year, we marched together, and I couldn't ask for a better way of graduating than with you guys
Bus mates/Centris peeps Thank you for all the walwal days, whenever we wanna go out, we're always just a text away from each other. Thank you guys for being there whenever I feel so high and so low, you guys are just a text away from an inuman. Also thank you for all our photoshoots, I missed having photoshoots with you guys. Soon, again please?
TLCENFAIM When was the last time we were complete? It's been a while and I missed you guys. Thank you for being with me through the last days of my student life.
My Family and Relatives you guys should be so proud, you finally did it, you helped me graduate and finish my studies this year. This is the greatest gift I could give you guys, I finally went up on stage, got my diploma and presented it to everyone. Now, watch me be successful in life. I couldn't have done it without your help. So, thank you so much!
All my friends guyth, seriously, thank you. For everyone who became my confidants, my shoulder to lean on, my random talking buddy and all the things that are too many to mention. You helped build up this amazing 2014 of mine.
The Ex I had a lot to say, and I already did. This is just my final statement. You were a big part of my 2014. I still have to say thank you because you taught me a lot. Because during the span of it, I wasn't conscious about the cheating and the lies, you made me happy, but you made me feel so down most of the time as well. You were there throughout my 2014 until October, at least. But after that, I'm extremely glad that you're out of my life.
Alex Giron yes, Nana^, you have a special mention. Because you really were with me through everything this year. We talked everyday throughout this year, there were only like around 5 days in this year when we haven't talked. You know everything about me and I know everything about you. You helped me through everything and I mean everything, so I am extremely grateful because you're always, always there for me. Thank you so much, my LG/VT.
and last but not the least
Julie Ann Tiboso my serendipity. You came into my life and I never expected you to be this important to me, and I never expected that you'll be this special to me. You helped me up when I was 6 feet below the ground, you wiped away the anger and sadness that filled me. You showed me the sun shining so bright high above us. You gave me hope. You made me feel better. You're the best thing that ever happened in my 2014 and I am grateful that you came into my life. I was afraid that I'd end this year with grieve, but you came just in time to end my year perfectly. You came in time to be with me in greeting the new year together. You're the best part of my 2014 and my lifetime. You saved my 2014 from being the worst year of my life. Thank you so much for arriving just in time. I love you so much, my love.
TO EVERYONE Thank you for being part of my 2014! It's either you were a bad or a good memory, but no matter what, my 2014 is one helluva year for me. It's all thanks to everyone and to me, of course. Lol.
Cheers, to 2014!
Goodbye to the most life-changing year ever, 2014 and hello to 2015. I hope you have a lot in store for me.
This is still incomplete because I still lack the photos for this
I will update this as soon as possible.
-N
I didn't give much justice to last year's year ender, and I promised myself that I'd give this one justice since 2014 has been a big year for me.
So, based on the title, this year, I closed a chapter of my life and opened a new one. Because my student life has finally come to an end and I finally entered the real world. That is one of the highlights of my 2014.
But that's just the tip of the iceberg, let's dive deep and look at the rest of this iceberg (I am so figurative, that never changed)
JANUARY
January 2- Went to Ateneo to suprise a certain someone who I thought was there
January 6- Traveled to school while wearing my Harry Potter robe
January 13- Graduation pictorial
January 17- Birthday
January 19- Lamon Day. Got invited to review a resto
January 21 to 26- University Week
January 22- Date with Diandra
FEBRUARY
February 3 to 9- Tigdas days
February 13- visited my alma mater
February 15- MYX VJ Search 2014 Auditions
February 18- Got a call from MYX
February 20- Callbacks for MYX
February 22- Final defense
MARCH
March 1- Announcement of the MYX VJ Search Finalists
March 7- Louren's birthday celebration
March 11- I got hit by a car
March 16- Book binding of thesis
March 18- Graduation.
This day marked the end of a chapter in my life and the opening of a new one.
March 20- ASE College night
March 26- MYX Music Awards. First ever red carpet experience
APRIL
April 6- Outbreak Missions at Intramuros
April 8- MYX VJ Search Finals Night
April 11- Agel's birthday celebration
April 13- Treat from Gia's father in buffet 101 and redbox
April 19- Swimming with family
April 26 to 27- Traveled to Bicol
MAY
May 4- HS friends bonding
May 19- Chee's debut photoshoot
May 27- Star City with 5/9 of TLCENFAIM
May 31- Food Hero auditions
JUNE
June 1- Benjamin's baptism and me being the photographer of the event
June 2- Troyka's birthday celebration
June 10- First day of school for SPUM
June 20 to 21- Second (illegal) trip to Bicol.
June 25- Night out with Mnq, Jem and Manel.
JULY
July 8- Night out with Jem, Jerome and Troyka
July 19- Camille's birthday celebration
July 20- MTV VJ Hunt auditions
AUGUST
August 8- Lunch out with the family
August 9- MYX Forum guesting at SPUM
August 14- one year friendship anniversary with Nana^
August 16- Ina's birthday celebration
August 25- Official start of my first job
SEPTEMBER
September 2- Night out with Louren, Troyka, Dawn, Gen, Grace
September 6- Tagaytay trip with the family
September 10- First sweldo
September 11- Night out with Chee, Mart, Jimpy, Ina, Ate Cherry
September 18- The day I wore a dress
September 26- Walang Sugat
OCTOBER
October 3 to 4- Final failed trip to Bicol. And the day we finally broke up.
October 24- Date with Jandel
October 25- Became a guest for BPO Radio
October 29- Met Julie on tinder
October 31- Dressed up as a wizard
NOVEMBER
November 7- Met Julie in person for the first time
November 7- Got invited to review food trucks
November 12- MYX mo!
November 20- Night out with Julie and Jem
November 22- Watched Mockingjay
November 23- Grandpa's birthday celebration
November 24 to 28- First week together everyday with Julie
DECEMBER
December 3- The day she finally said yes.
December 7- Partner and Tita's birthday celebration
December 10- Night out with Camille, Louren, Troyka, Flery
December 11- Night out with her and Jem.
December 12- She visited home
December 23- Ayala Triangle with her
December 25- Christmas with the family
December 27- YOLO day with her and TSP Christmas party
December 30- Our New Year's kiss.
Basically, these were the highlights of my year. I didn't go much into detail because I plan to put the details once I have the photos posted.
But I would love to thank everyone who made my 2014 a wonderful year.
For those who were with me from the start to the end of the year.
I'll do what I did in my year ender last year, mention names and groups that made my year an amazing one.
Cornerstone Family Thank you for the opportunity to experience how it is to be in the media world and for letting me meet a lot of celebrities during my on the job training.
TSP Family though my last year in TSP was not really the best, I still feel grateful for being part of the best organization ever. Hopefully you'd decide on making a play for the alumni. I really missed acting.
People from my first job thank you for helping me adapt into the real world. It was difficult at first since I never really wanted to work in an office but rather in the world of media, but you helped me learn to like what I'm doing. Thank you for the first, real bitch-slap from the real world.
MYX Family thank you for the whole VJ experience. It really was the biggest highlight of my year. It was amazing working with you guys, I had the best experience ever, being in front of the camera and feeling nervous all the time but the rush of talking about music and all random stuff made it so exciting. Also meeting a lot of celebrities and talking to them made the fangirl inside me scream like it never did.
Cool People (Chos)/MYX VJ Search Finalists In the window!!!!! You guys are amazing, thank you for all the bonding times and the insights that you shared with me. It really is amazing being friends with you guys. Thank you for still keeping in touch and for all the innuendos, the puns, the corniest of the corny jokes, the whole VJ Search experience with you guys was the best.
ABMC2014 You guys were the best classmates ever! We did it! After four years of being together within the four walls and corners of school, we finally graduated. It was an epic journey with you guys. And this year, we marched together, and I couldn't ask for a better way of graduating than with you guys
Bus mates/Centris peeps Thank you for all the walwal days, whenever we wanna go out, we're always just a text away from each other. Thank you guys for being there whenever I feel so high and so low, you guys are just a text away from an inuman. Also thank you for all our photoshoots, I missed having photoshoots with you guys. Soon, again please?
TLCENFAIM When was the last time we were complete? It's been a while and I missed you guys. Thank you for being with me through the last days of my student life.
My Family and Relatives you guys should be so proud, you finally did it, you helped me graduate and finish my studies this year. This is the greatest gift I could give you guys, I finally went up on stage, got my diploma and presented it to everyone. Now, watch me be successful in life. I couldn't have done it without your help. So, thank you so much!
All my friends guyth, seriously, thank you. For everyone who became my confidants, my shoulder to lean on, my random talking buddy and all the things that are too many to mention. You helped build up this amazing 2014 of mine.
The Ex I had a lot to say, and I already did. This is just my final statement. You were a big part of my 2014. I still have to say thank you because you taught me a lot. Because during the span of it, I wasn't conscious about the cheating and the lies, you made me happy, but you made me feel so down most of the time as well. You were there throughout my 2014 until October, at least. But after that, I'm extremely glad that you're out of my life.
Alex Giron yes, Nana^, you have a special mention. Because you really were with me through everything this year. We talked everyday throughout this year, there were only like around 5 days in this year when we haven't talked. You know everything about me and I know everything about you. You helped me through everything and I mean everything, so I am extremely grateful because you're always, always there for me. Thank you so much, my LG/VT.
and last but not the least
Julie Ann Tiboso my serendipity. You came into my life and I never expected you to be this important to me, and I never expected that you'll be this special to me. You helped me up when I was 6 feet below the ground, you wiped away the anger and sadness that filled me. You showed me the sun shining so bright high above us. You gave me hope. You made me feel better. You're the best thing that ever happened in my 2014 and I am grateful that you came into my life. I was afraid that I'd end this year with grieve, but you came just in time to end my year perfectly. You came in time to be with me in greeting the new year together. You're the best part of my 2014 and my lifetime. You saved my 2014 from being the worst year of my life. Thank you so much for arriving just in time. I love you so much, my love.
TO EVERYONE Thank you for being part of my 2014! It's either you were a bad or a good memory, but no matter what, my 2014 is one helluva year for me. It's all thanks to everyone and to me, of course. Lol.
Cheers, to 2014!
Goodbye to the most life-changing year ever, 2014 and hello to 2015. I hope you have a lot in store for me.
This is still incomplete because I still lack the photos for this
I will update this as soon as possible.
-N
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