There is no point

Hey there! Wow, it's been a while since I last posted a blog and I missed it. Apparently, whenever I get in a relationship, I lose a part of me; like in my first relationship, I lost my best friend and this time I lost my interest in literature. Since we broke up, it seems as though my interest in literature is coming back again (Thank God)

So right now I'm in front of my laptop, my bed still unmade, I'm blasting some fallout boy on my phone, my hair's still not the color blue and I'm alive.

(Sugar we're going down swinging) I'm just writing whatever enters my mind right now, I'm letting my fingers do the talking (wow that sounds so lesbian). Right now my office mates are planning to drink later, of course I'm coming.

Wait, I had to stop writing for around 15 minutes because this laptop hanged for 15 full minutes. So during that period, I was able to fix my unmade bed, check timehop, took a selfie comparing my photo from three years ago and now.

And now I have to run some errands, so catch you later. (As if you'll notice me doing the errand since you're continually reading this whole post lol)

I'm back! So I went to my grandmother's shop and gave her the rent money from our neighbors and she gave me money to buy shawarma as well as new pants. So that's that.

Anyway, what's the whole point of this post? Honestly, there's none. There was supposed to be a point when I was planning on writing this post, but now that I started writing it, I just went with the flow.

This blog post was supposed to be about how I am after our break up, but diving into that topic makes me depressed and I have been happy since yesterday, so I don't want to break the mood.

I have been trying to keep my mind off that thing by doing random and unproductive stuff like playing battle cats, surfing the net, looking at tattoo ideas, editing photos, checking out photo inspirations, and writing stuff.

It feels good to write again; I couldn't really write blogs on my phone since I get distracted easily and typing on the phone's keypad isn't as satisfying as typing on the laptop's keyboard. It makes me feel so ecstatic just typing right now. Like I'm not even looking at the screen, I'm just letting my fingers type and type and omg they look so cool moving so fast, like they have a mind of their own. Seriously, I am still not stopping.
The sound of the keyboard makes me so relaxed, and the feeling of pressing these buttons is oddly satisfying.

I am now looking up into the screen and wow, that was a lot. Haha. I'm sorry for making you read this blogpost of mine but it makes me feel nice knowing that there are people who actually read what I write. It gives me a sense of importance, you know?

Right now I'm looking for music to play, let's see... Ahh, here, arctic monkeys.

Woah, I never noticed the lyrics of this song. I'm listening to "Do I Wanna Know?"

"Sad to see you go. I was sorta hoping that you'd stay"
"Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new"

I got distracted for 30 minutes and did something else lol.

I guess I should wrap this up, my mind's all crazy now.

Sorry for this very pointless blogpost, I just wanted to know what it feels like to write again. I missed it so much.

I'll be posting more blog posts soon, blog posts that actually make sense.


But for now, bye.

-N

Part of me on vacation

What do I write about?
I'm lost.

I'm not down or anything.
My mind is just so lost right now.

It's like I lost a part of myself.
I don't write that much anymore and I miss it.

I have to admit, my grammar and vocabulary's all messed up.
I'm not as literate as I was before, and it sucks.

I need to get my old self back.

I used to write because I didn't usually have anyone I can pour my emotions to.
Now I do. I don't write that much because I can directly talk to a person.

That was the reason I loved to write before.
But now, despite having a person to talk to, I want to go back to writing.

It's like a part of me that was on vacation
I want that part back.

I'll try my best to get that part of me back.
I want to write again.

I want to feel the pen alive in my hand.
The keyboard or keypad alive on my fingertips.

I'll keep on writing.
I'll keep on reading.

I don't want to lose this part of me again.
It's going to be alive again.



-N

2-0-1-3

It never occurred to me that I'd still make a year ender. But it feels wrong not to make one. Maybe I could make one without totally going into detail.
I'm starting this off while I'm in a computer shop.

So my 2013, was of course, better than the last year. A lot has actually happened within the year.
My birthday, I got a video, and damn it, I was so happy about that. I actually got two videos for my day (coz I was asking my friends to make me one) and when we had our Univ week and you see our class lugging around a big camera to report the events. Oh how fun.
February was a mess. I met someone, it lasted until April then that someone just left. Well, good riddance. But hey, thanks for letting me experience some certain shit that I am not allowed to write about here. Thanks for actually passing by my life, then leaving it without a word. My friends still hate you. Gulowdit.
Also, February was the second best month of my 2013 because I finally got to watch my favorite band perform live. AND OMFG HAYLEY WILLIAMS WAVED AT ME DURING THE CONCERT. WE MADE EYE FREAKING CONTACT.
Oh April, I experienced having a job for the first time. It was alright. The experience made me realize, I really wasn't for the office.
Then here comes Juuuune! The start of my last year as a student. The start of the thesis business. And also the start of TAO: Isang Tagulaylay's rehearsals. That I enjoyed making epal in. Made a lot of friends in the lower year. The semester went by so quick, but leaving an annoying unfinished task, that was our event for a certain subject.
Hello sembreak. Hello Outbreak missions. It was really awesome, running away from zombies in a mall. And figuring out where to go.
Then second semester comes. Oh dear. OJT, I sorta hated my first OJT coz of too much writing and stuff -_- UGH.
Then we had our basketball game, and it was awesome coz we won. LOL
Then I ended my OJT early in the year and just stayed home.
As the year came to a near end, I met someone. Someone who I never thought would make my life a zillion times better.

That's technically the summary of my year. I know, I didn't do much justice. It was one helluva year, I tell you.
I have changed this year. I know that, but I dunno how much. I don't even know if I became better or worse. But I really felt the change. I believe this is the year I finally went out of my shell. My shell was already open in the past few years, but this is the only time I actually went out. I felt my hair had a lot to do with this. I felt more confident about myself. I had a very low self esteem, which seem to have boosted waaay too high.

Anyhoo, enough of that.

I actually made this post to thank those people who made my 2013 pretty awesome.
Thank you, Paramore, for performing live in our small country and for making me extremely happy
Thank you friends (in general) for being there while I rant, tell my corny jokes, laugh around with y'all.
Thank you ABMC4 I know we're starting to drift apart coz of OJTs and Thesis, but thank you for everything, ilang months nalang guys, thank you for the years of joy, unity and kalokohans. I will not be too emotional yet, so that's all I can say for now.
Thank you TLCENFAIM, buo parin tayo :) salamat sa pagsasama natin this year :) kahit medyo napapalayo ako, mahal ko parin kayo :)
Thank you, TROPA, my friends who are all curved and not straight. LOL. We're together from highschool to college, and hopefully until we have our own jobs.
Thank you, to my bestfriend who has stuck with me throughout the year, I may suck at being a bestfriend, but you sure didn't. Thank you for not leaving me.
Thank you COMM3 for letting me help you with your play, for being nice to me and for the new friends I acquired
Thank you TSP, for a great start of the year. We didn't have a minor play, which totally bummed me out, but I am hoping for a play this year, since it's gonna be my last as a student and i kinda looked forward to it since first year :)
Thank you, family for everything. For giving me a lot of things this year, it was overwhelming. But thank you more for never leaving me. I am truly sorry for not being a good daughter, niece, sister or relative, but I will make it up to you guys, I am going to graduate this year, all thanks to y'all.
And of course, thank you, Baby. Thank you for unexpectedly entering my life and telling me you have the same fandoms as me, for having that connection the first time we talked to each other, for ending my 2013 and starting my 2014 in the most perfect way possible. Thank you for being my girlfriend. I love you.


TO EVERYONE, I COULDN'T THANK Y'ALL ENOUGH. THIS BLOGPOST IS INSUFFICIENT. AND I AM STILL WRITING IN CAPS. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
BUT SERIOUSLY, THANK YOU. FOR AN AWESOME 2013

2014 will be the year I am gonna start to face the real world. I hope those who have stuck with me in 2013, will stay as I greet a new chapter in my life.


That was dramatic.


-N

Excuse me, but who are you?

Who are you anyway?

You cannot depend on others to tell us who you are.

Ask that girl who hates you and she'll tell you that you're a useless piece of shit in a donkey's ass.

Ask that friend of yours who seem to admire everything you do and they'l tell you that you are amazing and you are a god.

Ask your parents and they'll say you're perfect.

Ask that person you don't actually talk to and they'll say you're a snob or you're shy.

Ask your confidant and they'll tel you that you talk a lot and a lot is going on in your life.

You can't rely so much on others to tell you who you are.

But believe me, you can't also trust yourself.

Say, you're so confident about yourself, you see yourself as a great singer, but you're off key. Every single time.

Same thing as when you have low self esteem, you'd say you're freakin' fat when you're actually a walking stick

You can't really say that you know yourself. Because YOU have a lot of versions.

Ask a professional spy to observe you and tell you who you really are. No biases.