Hello Cold World

Cold weather does affect people differently.

What is it in this weather that makes people blue, lazy, extra romantic, or even sleepy?

The cold weather makes people blue

Maybe because the cool weather makes hearts cold and makes cold hearts colder. People get depressed, quiet, and go deep into thought because the weather keeps them immobile. 

Which is also why people tend to be lazy on cold days. They would want to relax and feel the coolness on their skin. But then after a while, too much coldness makes them seek warmth.

This may explain why most people would tend to be more romantic so they could cuddle with their cuddle-buddy.

As for people like me, we become more romantic with the blanket that warms our   tummies.

And thus being wrapped in either a lover's arm or a warm blanket, the cold weather gives a sleepy ambiance. 

It serenades every cold heart, lazy body, and cuddler.

The cold weather does affect people differently. But it does seem connected, right?

Weak

I am weak.

I may look strong because of my big body and boyish movements but underneath all that is one fragile little being that is damaged ever since.

I cry at the simplest things.

I am so weak that I think the solution to my problems is ending my life.

I am so weak that I have attempted to end my life several times but i fail coz I am afraid.

I am so weak that i can't even stand up for myself.

I'm actually crying right now. And I am broadcasting this because i think this is the only way i could get it out of me. Because if I don't let it out, the weakling in me might just break again and again. This is why i'm so noisy online.

I can't handle my problems

I can't stand alone

I'm worthless, I'm an accident, I'm don't deserve to live, i'm TOO EMOTIONAL. 

I'm useless.

I am

First Kiss

My first kiss went a little like this..

*mwa*

When It Rains

Rain does have an effect on me.
I just don't know if it's negative or the opposite.
I feel sad, but calm.
It's like a calming sadness that I don't understand.

As the raindrops fall harder, the noise grows louder
I feel chaotic.
This makes the negative emotions intensify, turning into anger.

Lighting strikes
Thunder claps
I feel hysterical.
I feel like laughing at the very face of lightning
Trying to feel the burn of electricity through my body.

Lights go out.
I feel afraid. Fearful.
I am afraid of the dark.
The sound of thunder and rain make me imagine dark and evil things around me

Lights go back on.
I feel relieved.
Now the intense and chaotic feelings are gone.
I feel like I'm floating.

The rain drops are now slow and calm.
I feel calm as well.
I feel the cool breeze upon my skin, it feels so relaxing.
It all feels good.

But the rain does indeed make me feel sad, that's normal
But this sadness feels happy, that's not normal.
These conflicting emotions is just like the rain while the sun is out, burning even.
It's not normal, but it happens.

It's funny just thinking how I connect with the rain. How I ride along with it.
These emotions all happen all so quickly. This only happens when it rains.

Daydreaming

Watching what seems to be the most epic moment ever
Imagining life as something awesome
Fantasizing about stuff that might happen.

Caught staring
Blank eyes but not blank thoughts
Motionless but full of emotion inside

Seeing life as something I wanted
Visualizing a moment that might happen
Making plans that may seem impossible

Flashbacks that make me cringe
Thinking if things would be better
If I didn't do this or if I did do that

Looking down from the sky
I can be wherever I want
But only inside this noggin

Things happening the way I want them to be
It all seems good.
But only inside this mind.

An escape from a suffocating reality
That single moment of just staring into nothing
May seem like nothing to other people's eyes

But that single moment of just staring
That moment with blank eyes and a motionless body
Makes me want to stay that way

Daydreaming.
Coz things get a lot better
In this little head of mine

The Crush(es): Origin

Why do people have crushes? Maybe because of attraction? Well, I have a different reason for having crushes. Sure, attraction is already a factor but my main reason for having crushes (for my current situation) was to forget someone.

Emo. I know.

But I did it out of desperation. As said in the song by The Script entitled Six Degrees Of Separation, "Anything to take it from your mind, but it won't go. You're doing all these things out of desperation"

When you're in pain, most definitely you'd do anything to take it away. Fix yourself.

This was my remedy. I tried to find a crush. I forced myself to like someone. Well, at least somehow, the five crushes I have now weren't much forced. I started to look for them around November.

After having my crushes, I felt happy. I felt better. I started to forget but my best friend told me that I was in a hurry. That I did not let go of the pain yet, I just covered it up. She was right. I had a talk with her. I realized that I haven't completely forgotten about it. I was still in pain. The talk with my best friend removed the bandage over my open wound, exposing it. The pain was excruciating. I cried. 

But that made the pain slowly go away. Coz finally, instead of covering it up again, I tried to let it heal.

Still going through the healing process. It's getting better. The five crushes thing is working. I'm distracted. I'm not thinking about it as usual as before. I feel the pain subsiding. Finally.


The thing about this is, I feel I'm over reacting. Am I?


I just want to forget. Forget about my feelings. My feelings for you. YOU.

My 2012 in a blogpost

January

 
• January 3 First day of school for the year.
• January 17 Happy 18th Birthday to me :))
• January 18 Janica's Birthday and our celebration :D

Janica, Am and Me :D

• January 22 Birthday Celebration with Comm2 (Comm2 pa kami nun :P)

Given by FAIM :)

Comm2 finding their seats :))

• January 24-28 SPUMat100

The School during the centennial celebration :)

Went to visit KCC, on the second day of the centennial celebration. Thing is, it was closed :|

Parokya Ni Edgar for the centennial celebration :">

BINGO!! :))

 February

• February 11 Visit To The Buzz

At The Buzz studio. There's Boy Abunda, Toni Gonzaga, John Lloyd and Angel Locsin (beside John.) I dunno the name of the girl beside Toni. (Not really showbiz inclined)

• February 15 Mingol's Debut :)

March

• March 1 Fire extinguisher. ('nuff said)
• March 3 Brigadoon at St. Paul Quezon
• March 6 Sister Act play date! :D (Stage Manager) Grabe, super late uwians yun :))

The Cast and Crew of Sister Act after the curtain call :)

• March 9 The Birth of TLCENFAIM :) the start of a beautiful friendship :D Louren's post-birthday celebration :)

                         Troyka, Louren, Camille, Eunick, Nathan, Flery, Agel, Ina, Marnelli

TLCENFAIM! :D

• March 17 Last Day of School and Marnelli's post-birthday celebration :)

Rockband

Billiards 

• March 19 Gala with TLCENFAIM :)) first badminton, then lunch at SM Sucat, then travelled to rob for rockband :))

Badminton at Flick :D

Lunch at SM Sucat. Omnomnomnom

Rockband at Rob \m/

April

• April 10 First Day of Summer Classes (Writing for Radio and Television, Environmental Science and no Theater classes yet)
• April 21 Watched Plays :) (Palangka Awards, Ola!, Stars and Pitik Surplus)
• April 30 First Theater Class. Assigning of Core group members and choosing of play

May

• May 2 Results of midterms in WRTV came out

My first ever perfect score in an exam

• May 4 Mamma Mia! Film viewing :)) first time to actually watch the film 
• May 5 Inuman with friends sa vapor
• May 9 First practice for Mamma Mia eveeer! It was a dance rehearsal. We were rehearsing Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia xD
• May 11 First FX ride to school :p and today we had our first workshop for Mamma Mia!
• May 15 Visited Genevieve's house to give our gift for her

There's me, val and gen in front of gen's house :P Louren took the picture :))

• May 18 Singing auditions for Mamma Mia (ang ingay namin sa corridor while waiting for our turn :p) and the Filming of "The Winner Takes It All: Epic Version" Here's the video :)) also later that day, Louren, Troyka, Ina, Nathan, Val and I went to Starbucks to chill coz it was our last day of summer classes (Last day of summer classes but not Theater classes) then we went to Manila Bay and next walked to Star City then went home :p

• May 22 First Day of our only-theater-classes-slash-workshops-for-this-week and the week when I was accomplishing my SAO duties at the guidance office. I needed to accomplish 80 hours -_- 

• May 24 Ang pagtambay namin ni Troyka and Agel sa Taters. Wahahaha! We played cards and talked about our high school and grade school lives. At ang pag-abang ng text na nagsasabing part kami ng cast ng Mamma Mia :)) (ang tagal tagal din bago maannounce :p)
• May 25 declared na wala kaming pasok sa theater, pero may TLCENFAIM gala kami that day :p
• May 28-May 31 Service at the Guidance office
• May 31 TLCENFAIM Call Me Maybe Shoot and secret shoot for Troyka's birthday video :)) below is our call me maybe video :))

June

• June 1-June 9 Continuation of service at the Guidance office

• June 2 Troyka's Birthday and Celebration :D

• June 8 They told me I got the part of Rosie in Mamma Mia! :">
• June 13 First Day of School as a third year college student :p
• June - onwards Mamma Mia Rehearsals :D 420B muna :))

July

• July 14 We started publicizing Mamma Mia! :D

• July 27 Cinemalaya with Maney, Louren, Camille and Nathan :p

August

• August 1 We started practicing sa audi na xD
• August 24 WHAT A NIGHT! MAMMA MIA! All our efforts, for this :">

Mamma Mia Photoshoot day :))

Mamma Mia! Gala curtain call :')

Mamma Mia! Matinee Curtain Call :')

• August 24 Before the play, I cut my hair short for the first time in my whole 18 years of existence. For my character... and yeah I've always wanted to cut my hair short.

From this...

...then this...

  

...to this

• August 30-31 Retreat at St. Paul Vigil House

September

• September 7 Visit to Botolan Zambales :D

ABMC at Botolan Zambales to visit the Aetas :D

• September 14 Book fair with Maney and Flery at the SMX convention center
• September 18 Mamma Mia nina Rayos at Southville International School
• September 21 Awit Para Sa Botolan concert in school :D

Raimund Marasigan of Sandwich :D

• September 27 Registered for Outbreak Manila xD

• September 27 (still) Watched Am's concert at Benilde with Rebecca :D

October

• October 12 Inuman with friends sa Beach :p

With Beks, "drunk" Kat, Thea, and Ech :D

• October 16 Film viewing of Music Videos in Morality :D
• October 21 First Day Of Sem Break!
• October 31 Outbreak Enchanted Kingdom!

November

• November 6 First Day of Second Sem!
• November 21 A Night Before Christmas :D
• November 28 First Showing of TSP Mini Plays :D

Red Line

Crossroads

Waiting Time

December

• December 7-8 Paulinian Youth Camp!

The SPUM Campus during the youth camp (c) Flery Ann Portal Robles

• December 14 SALOME!! This is it! Salome Play Date! It was so epic. Despite the hardships, failures and not a single complete run :P we made it! TSP makes miracles happen on stage xD

• December 15 Basketball game versus Nursing. WE WOOOOON!!! 

The CASE basketball players present during the game :)

That's the score xD

• December 18 Last day of School for the year 2012! Watched a play in school, had a meeting with TSP, went to MOA for TLCENFAIM Christmas party :)

After the meeting :p di man lang nakumpleto :( haha

Saw Bea at MOA :)

TLCENFAIM Christmas Party! :D

• December 21 TSP Christmas Party! Yeeehaaaw! Kaso we weren't complete :(

• December 29 A date with my Bebestfriend :D

• December 31 Our family's experience on our way to Laguna.

Finally finished looking back.

Well, now that it's 2013, I really would want to thank the people I met, the people I've been with, the new friends I had and the experiences I shared with you guys. This is technically my New Year's greeting to you guys :)

My 2012 was awesome thanks to you! (yes you, the reader who I assume read the whole blogpost, if so, thank you because I did this with full effort and in, I think four days) (but if you didn't read... READ IT.) Thanks a bunch for being a part of my 2012! Even if you just passed by, that sorta influenced me in a microscopic way, maybe. (Teehee)

Thanks to: ABMC3 for the wonderful theater experience we had during our Mamma Mia era :) it was the best bonding experience with you guys :)

Thanks to: TLCENFAIM. We were born this year, and ever since that day, 'til today, we are standing strong, I hope we'd still be like this even if we already have jobs. Thanks a lot, Troyka, Louren, Camille, Nathan, Flery, Agel, Ina, Marnelli for everything. Especially the laughs, even if we see each other everyday, we never get tired of each other's company :)

Thanks to: TSP Family. Hardwork, effort, time. We sacrifice a lot for the sake of theater, but who cares? IT'S OUR PASSION! Theater-my passion; TSP family- the people I love. Combine the two and I cannot ask for anything more. I am glad to meet new people, so glad to have new friends, and super glad to have kept the old ones :) I thank you, my TSP family for accepting the weirdo that I am.

Thanks to: New Friends, welcome to my weird life! Consider yourself cursed :)) I'm amazed that you weren't weirded out by me :)) thank you for entering my life, you guys have influenced a whole lot of my 2012 :)

Thanks to: My Professors for sharing with us your knowledge about the subject. Major thanks to my Mass Media/WRTV/Journalism/Photojournalism professor who has influenced me majorly. 

Thanks to: My Family. Who may think that I don't think about them, without you guys, I wouldn't have survived my 2012. I guess 2012 may be our best and worst year, but whatever happens, we're always here for each other.

Thanks to: Belo medical group, bench.. CHOS :))

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS! Say good bye to an awesome 2012 and hello to [a hopefully more] awesome 2013 :)

-Eunick Nobe, Noberd, Rosie, Felipe, Ruben, Nobebe, Nicko, Nobs, Nica, Nicole, and all other names people call me :)

PS: Pardonez moi if I have grammatical errors :P