When It Rains

Rain does have an effect on me.
I just don't know if it's negative or the opposite.
I feel sad, but calm.
It's like a calming sadness that I don't understand.

As the raindrops fall harder, the noise grows louder
I feel chaotic.
This makes the negative emotions intensify, turning into anger.

Lighting strikes
Thunder claps
I feel hysterical.
I feel like laughing at the very face of lightning
Trying to feel the burn of electricity through my body.

Lights go out.
I feel afraid. Fearful.
I am afraid of the dark.
The sound of thunder and rain make me imagine dark and evil things around me

Lights go back on.
I feel relieved.
Now the intense and chaotic feelings are gone.
I feel like I'm floating.

The rain drops are now slow and calm.
I feel calm as well.
I feel the cool breeze upon my skin, it feels so relaxing.
It all feels good.

But the rain does indeed make me feel sad, that's normal
But this sadness feels happy, that's not normal.
These conflicting emotions is just like the rain while the sun is out, burning even.
It's not normal, but it happens.

It's funny just thinking how I connect with the rain. How I ride along with it.
These emotions all happen all so quickly. This only happens when it rains.

Daydreaming

Watching what seems to be the most epic moment ever
Imagining life as something awesome
Fantasizing about stuff that might happen.

Caught staring
Blank eyes but not blank thoughts
Motionless but full of emotion inside

Seeing life as something I wanted
Visualizing a moment that might happen
Making plans that may seem impossible

Flashbacks that make me cringe
Thinking if things would be better
If I didn't do this or if I did do that

Looking down from the sky
I can be wherever I want
But only inside this noggin

Things happening the way I want them to be
It all seems good.
But only inside this mind.

An escape from a suffocating reality
That single moment of just staring into nothing
May seem like nothing to other people's eyes

But that single moment of just staring
That moment with blank eyes and a motionless body
Makes me want to stay that way

Daydreaming.
Coz things get a lot better
In this little head of mine

Grounded

Day 2 of being grounded.
Why was I even grounded in the first place, you ask? Well, it all started last Saturday.

Saturday, the day Beks, Marj, Yans, Sym, Janina, Marj's niece and I drank at vapor. I actually asked permission from my parents, they allowed me to go because they thought I'd just go to SM Sucat, yeah I lied. Bad. Boohoo. For me. So, I told them I'd be home by 9, which I actually planned to do. No intention of going home later than 9, or so I thought.

We drank shots, and smoked shisha. The shots were good, by the way. It took a lot of shots before I got drunk, Marj's niece and Rebecca were the first to get drunk, then so on.. Later on, we had free porn. HAHAHA. That was figurative.. or was it?

Alas I got drunk. Not aware of the time anymore. I actually woke up and it was already 12. Oh damn, I'm dead. We had to stay at starbucks first to rid ourselves (or atleast me) of our drunks state. We left at around 12:30. I arrived home at 1. Got sermoned, they confiscated my gadgets and thus, my grounded state.

After that, I actually went through an emotional state. All the negative feelings overcame me, and I actually lacerated myself. (yeah, I know. How stupid of me. How weak.) The emotions were overflowing plus, I was still slightly drunk that time.

Wait, I actually already explained why I was grounded. The laceration part was an addition.

-End transmission-

Kites away!

Ah Sunday, a perfect day for family bonding, which is what our family did earlier :) though this trip wasn't actually planned by all of us (only my brother and my grandmother planned it) but we all agreed when my brother did his pleading act. After all, this family bonding would actually make up for all the Sundays we've lost just sitting around the house (Oh wait, that's only me).

So after eating of lunch, and doing other household stuff, we were getting ready to go to SM Mall of Asia (or so I thought).

We were riding in the car and I noticed my dad already passed by MOA, and we were gaining distance from it, so I went and ask why we're not heading for MOA, my dad said that instead of MOA, we were going to Luneta park, which is really a great place for flying kites.

As we go down the car, I've noticed that the temperature isn't really conducive for kite flying and that it's starting to get dark, but I can still see a lot of people flying kites so we got our hopes up.

After setting up our place to stay, we got our kites out, but it seems as though our kites were kinda useless, so we bought a new one on the spot.

We started to fly our kite, at first it was hard because the wind keeps on coming then going, but after we got the hang of it, our kite took flight (Not to brag or anything, but I was the one who let it take off) it was actually really tiring because you have to let your arm up all the time, but the pain in the arm feels like nothing compared to the joy I felt while seeing our kite soar.

After everything, we sat down and ate our packed food which is pancit malabon. After eating, we let the food digest by running around and catching this toy bird my brother bought.

The whole bonding time actually made us all feel like kids again. It was a fun Sunday with the family, seeing all of us smile and enjoying each other's company. I hope we get to do these kinds of bonding more often.

And that's how we spent our Sunday :)

Fly kite, fly!