Outburst

Have you ever felt so lonely, so down that you just want to go to a place all alone and just cry it all out?

Have you ever had a problem that you've never told anyone? Except a journal, maybe. But is that enough? Enough to lighten the burden that you feel? Just writing it down, pouring it all into a notebook. At least, it listens, right?

Well, I realized just now that it isn't enough. I have been writing every problem that I have into my journal. It has always been that way. It was alright then, but now, I don't know why it isn't enough.

Maybe it's like my cup of burdens is already overflowing, when I write it down, the contents would lessen, but would fill up right away.

Maybe I need someone to talk to, aside from myself. Because, let's be honest, the only person who'd really really understand you is yourself and the only person you'd trust whole-heartedly is yourself.

The problem here is, if you'd just share and share it to yourself, nothing much will happen. Well, maybe a little evaluation would occur, and that would help enlighten the situation. But right now, this is too insufficient.

I really need someone to talk to. I can't take it anymore. I'm already filled. I am about to burst. I cannot take it anymore!

Another problem is, I can't find someone to talk to! Someone who'd really understand! Someone who wouldn't judge my problem! Someone who would just listen. Without telling anyone.

I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. SOON. OR ELSE. UGH! I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.

Grasp

You know that feeling where in you thought you are close to getting something, but the closer you get, the farther it seems to go. Just like two magnets with the same poles going together. The other magnet tries to come near, but the nearer it gets, the other magnet just moves away.

So close yet so far, they say.

What if you already got a hold of it? But didn't actually realize it? Then the moment you realize you are holding it close to you, about to proclaim that it is yours, somebody takes it away from you. You were blinded. You forgot that somebody owns it. you were blinded by thought of wanting to have it for yourself. The want. The need for it. you wanted it so bad. but you're not sure how you'd get it.

Why not get something else instead? Because you think and feel that there is nothing, absolutely nothing like it! So here you are, mulling over it. Feeling down because you always remember that somebody owns it. But you still get a hold of it most of the time but you can never claim it as your own.

What if also you were afraid for anyone to know that you want it? Especially it itself. Because you are afraid to lose it?

Doing a lot of effort to care for it, but never actually trying to have it for yourself. Being stopped by the thought that somebody owns it.

You want it. You need it. But... will it reciprocate?

Will it be worth it? Will you have it for your own or actually lose it... forever?

Midterms.

Why am I so lazy? I mean, I can't even review just for 5 minutes. Why have I become so dependent on "other methods" just to pass the test? I wasn't like this before. Well, maybe because I'm pressured to get good grades. I don't actually remember the last time I've actually reviewed for something.

My belief is like "I'll do anything just to pass"

Midterms tomorrow. And I'm getting ready. No, not studying. Doing le "other method"

Guilty feeling? It was there, but I guess it'll be gone.

Importance

They say we each have a role in this world, that we are here for a reason, for a purpose. Some may have found their purpose, but most are still searching. Why is it so hard to find out one's purpose?

They also say we each have a role in the lives of people that we meet.

Then let me ask, is the level of importance the same between people?

It is inevitable to have imbalance in the distribution of importance between people. You may think of a certain person as the most important person in your life while that person thinks that you're just dust in the wind. (Alright, that's too much but it really happens)

It really is unfair for the person who gives more importance than the other, but we can't blame the other because we can't control how the other thinks of the person.

But of course, if you were in this situation, you'd feel bad because here you are giving so much importance to a person while this person just can't seem to make mutual the feeling of importance.

Which then leads me to my question, is it right to still give your feeling of importance to a person who can't appreciate it or can't even repay it?
It's like making yourself fit into a person's life even if that person can't even notice you and your efforts.

Maybe you should give yourself a break, think about yourself, don't forget to make yourself feel important too.

Observe

They know. But what do they know? Is it right? Or is it just a mere guess?

People talking behind you, what are they saying? They say they know something, but is their knowledge of that certain thing sufficient enough to provide answers? Those are just clues. They make up an idea but they are never the whole truth.

Doesn't it bother you when you try so hard to keep something but someone always finds a way to know it?

Are you ignorant enough to think that there aren't certain people who are more observant than others?

When it comes to these aspects, the eye of the observant and the eye of the non-observant shall see the same thing. But the one being observed doesn't have a clue about anything.

That's the problem, when you aren't aware that you are being observed, you would just act naturally, but once you find out that you are being observed, you change your actions. That way, you are playing safe.

But isn't that what we want? To be safe? And doesn't it feel wrong when you are being observed?

You know what's the right thing to do? Forget the fact that you are being observed. Ignorance is a bliss, they say, this is a perfect situation to apply ignorance. Don't change for the sake of pleasing the observers.

But if it's playing safe that you're after, then do the opposite of what I just mentioned above.

Greet August

Happy First Day of August! No, it's not a holiday. I just wanna greet the month, because for sure, this is gonna one of the most epic months of the year. I can feel it in my veins.

Now, how did the first day of August go? It started off with a text to wake me up.

*ting* I open my eyes, subconsciously grab my phone and open the text.

then I looked at the clock. 7:00am, fudgeballs, I woke up late again!  It was a really good thing Ave texted me. That woke me up.
Zombie mode

So I went down, did my daily routines and stuff. Went online and stuff. Then left for school.
I don't have to go through the details of my travel.

So I went down at pedro gil, went to 711 to buy my daily dose of caffeine. Only this time, I thought that I should kick it up a notch (because I felt extra zombie-ish). I went and tried a strong blend of coffee rather than my usual french vanilla cappuccino. I bought the Midnight Blend. I was supposed to get the choco loco buuuut.. Too late. Paid already. So I did the stirring and mixing of sugar and cream then went off. Took a sip of my coffee aaaand.... O_o it was TOO bitter! Gah, wrong wrong wrong! I forced myself to drink it.

When I arrived in the room, sir was already discussing. So I took my seat and just. sat. Drinking my coffee.
Later on, when I was about to finish the coffee, damn, I felt dizzy -_- and I was palpitating. So, strong coffee? Bad idea. Very bad idea. Coffee betrayed me. I thought.. we had something! (Ok, unecessary drama right there.)

So after classes, we took our early lunch so we could have the energy for practice!

While eating, Maney texted me that classes are gonna be suspended by 12nn.

We went back to school and found out that indeed, classes were suspended, but we still had our rehearsals.

We went straight to the auditorium, and I went straight to practising le  piano. Hehehe. After practising, we had a scene 10 rehearsal then, we called it a day.

I still didn't want to go home yet so Flery, Agel, Nathan and I went to rob to chill and do stuff. We went hunting for a place with a socket to plug my laftaf in, but instead we ended up in mcdo (what's new) we ate fries, discussed about the poster then I treated them sundaes.

So we stayed for atleast a couple of hours, later on, the power went out in rob.

After a few minutes, we left. Home bound.

I felt tired that day, I don't even know why! Haha.

I guess I'll conclude my day?


Oh wait, I remembered. It's been months since I've used our scanner at home, so I did this:

And that's how I greeted my August. HAHA! This month will be awesome! I can feel it!

MEMA

MEMA, according to my friend, Louren,MEMA means MEMA-sabi lang. "May masabi lang" it's a filipino phrase that means "just to say something". Why am I telling you this? And why is my post entitled MEMA? Because I created this post just to say something. Memasabilang ako. HAHA