Part of me on vacation

What do I write about?
I'm lost.

I'm not down or anything.
My mind is just so lost right now.

It's like I lost a part of myself.
I don't write that much anymore and I miss it.

I have to admit, my grammar and vocabulary's all messed up.
I'm not as literate as I was before, and it sucks.

I need to get my old self back.

I used to write because I didn't usually have anyone I can pour my emotions to.
Now I do. I don't write that much because I can directly talk to a person.

That was the reason I loved to write before.
But now, despite having a person to talk to, I want to go back to writing.

It's like a part of me that was on vacation
I want that part back.

I'll try my best to get that part of me back.
I want to write again.

I want to feel the pen alive in my hand.
The keyboard or keypad alive on my fingertips.

I'll keep on writing.
I'll keep on reading.

I don't want to lose this part of me again.
It's going to be alive again.



-N

Longing

I never thought missing someone would hurt this much.

I've never missed someone this much before.

I don't know what to feel. What to do. I want to see her. I want to be with her.

I'm talking about my love. My life. My girlfriend. My future wife.

It's been weeks since we actually spent a whole day together. We saw each other last week, but only in secret. Our situation right now is so hard. She doesn't have her phone because her aunt took it. And she's grounded so she can't leave the house no matter what. We haven't been talking for a while now and I really miss talking to her. I miss our conversations. I miss everything.

Ever since we stopped talking, I can't get her off my mind. I cry everyday thinking about how much I miss her and if her aunt was serious about sending her to their province for one whole year.

I got so used to seeing her everyday. I loved seeing her everyday. It makes me feel so happy. She makes me feel so happy.

Everyday since we stopped seeing each other and communicating with each other, everything just reminded me of her and I really can't stop my tears from falling whenever I remember her. Because I'm really longing for her. I miss her touch, her presence. I miss being with her, holding her hand, hugging her, kissing her, being weird and silly with her, judging other people with her, planning for our future together, talking about anything under the sun with her, and just simply enjoying each other's company.

I really miss staring at her and just admiring her. I miss how she'd be so cute when she's just being herself. I miss how responsible she looks when she cooks, cleans the house and asks me to help her. It honestly makes me think we're already married.

She's so amazing in every single way. She can go from a cute and playful 7 year old to a responsible and strong 25 year old in a single second. She can make anyone love her by just being herself. She can amaze anyone just by dancing to a song. She can make your heart melt by being so kind and helpful to everyone. She's amazing, she really is. I admire her so much.

She's the perfect girlfriend for me. The perfect one I'd love to spend the rest of my life with. Honestly, she's the only who made me feel loved. I never felt loved like this before. She makes me feel so special and it's overwhelming most of the time. Her efforts, everything she does for me, the way she expresses her love, she really knows how to make me feel her love. She really makes me feel that she never wants to lose me. Even though we're so comfortable with each other, and even though we know for a fact that we won't leave each other, she still does efforts to make me stay even more. You don't know how lucky I am to have her. A girl like her is impossible to find, yet, I found her. She's one in 7 billion and I know there will never be another one like her. So I'd like to treasure her. To keep her. To let her know that she is the one. I know she already knows that she's the one I see my future with, a clear vision of it. We made plans. We already planned for everything. Our work, the business we'll work hard for. he workshops we'll attend. We very much enjoy talking about our lives together. Honestly, whenever I think about life, it's not my life anymore. It's our life. I want to share it with her. I want her to be in every part of it. We're so attached to each other that our bond is too strong to break.


I've been typing straight into my blog that my thoughts flew all over the place again. All I know is, the reason I'm blogging right now is because I really miss her so much.

All throughout the blogpost, I have been crying. I miss my baby girl so much.

I've been constantly praying that her aunt won't send her to the province anymore. Also that we'd talk to each other soon. Because I miss talking to the only person who knows everything about me. I miss knowing what's going on with her life. I miss talking about what she's cooking, what she's watching, what's she's doing and just knowing if she's safe or happy or okay at the moment.

I'm just holding on to my instinct that's telling me that her aunt won't send her to the province anymore.

I just really miss her.

I hope we'd talk to each other soon.

I hope we'd see each other again.



I miss you, my love.
I love you, Julie Ann.


-N

*sorry for the inconsistency of this post. I just wanted to vent out my emotions right now so I just let my mind go ahead and let my hands type everything that's going on in my head*