I just wanna let this thing out of my system. It's kinda burdening me since, well, just this week actually.
Do you know what effort is? It's something I do for someone I love. Or like.
Oh, the usual, I'm having dilemmas again. Heart dilemmas. Quite pathetic, actually.
I feel so stupid for two things.
One, is knowing that the one i like, has someone that she likes.
And two, is still hoping and trying to change her mind.
Ah yes, a girl has once again entered the heart of this lonesome lesbian. After about 5 months, I guess.
I actually don't know what's the right thing to do since, she already has someone that she likes, what else can I do? I don't think can't change her mind, I ain't that... Let's just say I feel so inferior here.
What keeps my hopes up though, is the fact that her friends are helping me and that they are in favor of me. But what good is that gonna do if she herself ain't in favor of me?
I ask myself, "ano naman laban ko dun?" 'Cause it seems I don't have any.
But here's the thing, I told myself that no matter what happens, I won't let it affect me greatly. But that seems impossible since I over react most of the time. I dunno how this will affect me, how great this thing would push me.
It's like fighting against someone who wields an iron sword, while I hold a wimpy, old, wooden one.
Oh dear me, I dunno what i'm getting myself into. I just, I like her so much, it hurts. But like I said, I won't let it hurt me that much. I just have to make use of this wooden sword and shield to protect me. I may bleed as the iron blade penetrates my wooden shield and hits that sensitive part of my heart, but I've reinforced it so it won't recieve much damage like before.
That's it for my overly dramatic post.
Still trying to figure out what to do, but I think, I have a backup plan at the very tiny remote part of my brain.
What ever happens, happens. I guess.
-N
This is quite interesting :)
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